#38 Going to Therapy Changed My Life w/ Sonia Tydingco
Growing up I thought going to therapy was only reserved for “crazy people”. I viewed it as something that was irrelevant to me because obviously I wasn’t crazy and in Asian culture, it’s just not an acceptable thing to do. No one in my family did it, and even if they did, we wouldn't know about it because it would have been too shameful to admit.
The first time I went to therapy was kind of a joke. My boyfriend and I were in our early 20’s and struggling in our relationship. And instead of breaking up and chalking it up to incompatibility (which it ended up being), we went to see a couple’s counselor. She suggested that my partner see a therapist for his hereditary mental illness but he was ashamed and afraid to start.
So I did what I thought any supportive girlfriend would do and said, “If you go, I’ll go”. I laugh at how sweet and eager my younger self was at this time, especially knowing now that’s not how therapy works.
I found this out after a few sessions when my therapist asked me, “Why are you here?”. She sensed that I was wasting both my time and hers by me not opening up and remaining shallow in my responses.
Sure there was plenty more to talk about, I just wasn’t ready or self-aware enough at the time to share. For all I knew there was nothing wrong with me and besides, I was there to help my boyfriend “fix himself” so we can fix our relationship.
And after years of going to therapy on and off I can say that it is life changing. I’ve become hyper aware of my patterns (perfectionism, people pleasing, overworking) and how they hold me back from a fulfilling life. I’ve come face to face with my anxiety and understand why it shows up and where it comes from. I realize how much trauma I’ve experienced in childhood (big and small) and the effect it has on my life today.
Learning about myself through therapy has been a huge relief and also a struggle. It’s comforting to know the things that have weighed me down have a name and that other people experience it too. It’s also a challenging and humbling experience to face my negative patterns and do the work to heal.
In my conversation with Sonia Tydingco, my childhood friend and sportscaster for NBC Sports, she shares her experience with going to therapy and the life changing effect it had on her. She talked about the emotional abuse she endured in her childhood and past relationships and how it led her to seeking help through therapy, which helped her heal old wounds.
She also talks about the courageous leaps she made in her career - leaving a job in tech to become a waitress and work side jobs (for free!) to jump into a new industry.
If you’re experiencing a rough time in your life and need support, know that there are so many options out there. And therapy could be one of them. Talking to a friend is also another option. If you don't know where you start, maybe you can begin by reaching out to a loved one you trust.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned through this whole process is that you don’t have to have it all figured out, and you don’t have to do it alone.