#47 Important Communication Skills for Every Relationship w/ Nicole Miller

You know what subject I wish they taught in school? How to communicate well.

I remember taking woodshop class in the 7th grade and having fun with all power tools, but the skills I learned there never transferred into anything useful for me in my everyday adult life.

If I would have taken a class on communication or conflict resolution instead, I could have saved myself from so many uncomfortable situations over the last couple of decades.

Growing up I had no idea that there was a “proper” way to communicate. I didn’t learn how to talk about hard things, use “I language or emotionally connect through words.

It’s not my fault though. According to Urban Dictionary, there’s no literal translation for saying “I love you” in any Asian language. So if one of our parents wanted to express love, they wouldn’t tell you directly; instead they would ask you something like, “Did you eat yet”?

This cryptic way of communication is kinda funny to think about on one hand, but it also made life really difficult for me.

Instead of talking through things like someone normally would, I’d jump to conclusions, create stories in my head and avoid hard conversations at all costs.

For example, years ago one of my roommates asked me to have a “talk” after work. Hello Anxiety! And instead of waiting until we had our conversation, I spent the rest of the afternoon searching on Craigslist for a new apartment to move into because I was sure that packing up all my things and relocating to a new place would be much easier than having this conversation.

A tad extreme, but I’ll have you know that I didn’t end up moving out that day. I was able to  endure the awkwardness and have a constructive chat. And we ended up living together until our lease was over. We’re still really good friends today :)

I wish I had someone like Nicole Miller in my life back then, she’s a therapist who specializes in effective communication. We had a great conversation on the podcast about how to deepen the connections in all types of relationships - romantic and platonic. She shares why it’s important to learn how to communicate constructively and offers useful ways on how to do this.

I’ve come a long way from how I used to deal with hard conversations. Over the years I’ve learned how to communicate better and to resolve conflict productively. Thank goodness. It’s given me the opportunity to cultivate deeper relationships with family, friends and my partner and has boosted my confidence and self esteem.

Mario and I will be dedicating some time on the topic of healthy communication in our upcoming workshop: Steps to Creating a Secure Relationship. We’ll be sharing our personal experiences along with the tools and resources we use in deepening and maintaining connection in our relationship.

If you’re interested in attending, the FREE workshop is on Thursday, Feb 24 @ 8pm PST.

To learn more, visit www.leannahlumauig.com/relationshipworkshop