#63 How to Break The Pattern of People Pleasing
One random evening after dinner, I was calmly doing the dishes and something changed. I felt a tightness in my chest, and everything in the room seemed to blur and fade into a dull shade of orange.
My hearing had become muffled and I could barely catch my breath. All throughout my limbs, fingers and toes felt like cactus prickles, signaling to me that something was not ok.
Panic attacks used to dominate my life.
They were short but intense periods of internal crisis. Whenever they would arise, I’d have to stop whatever I was doing and find a safe place - a couch, a sidewalk or even a patch of grass just to catch my breath before returning back to the normal world.
There was no way that I could plan around these events because they seemed to come out of nowhere and at random.
Or so I thought.
If I could go back to my younger self I would tell her that there were plenty of things I could do to prevent having panic attacks. That I could stop overworking. Stop drinking caffeine. Stop trying to be perfect at everything. And most importantly - stop saying YES all the time.
I didn’t know it at the time but I was a full-fledged people pleaser. If anyone needed something from me, I would say yes. If I couldn’t, I would rearrange my schedule / day so I could accommodate people's requests.
This was for people at work, my partner, my friends, and my family. I would make things work.
At the time, I didn’t even know what the term meant. It’s just how I lived.
It was normal for me to ignore my need for rest or self care to show up for everyone else.
Is this something you do too?
In this week’s podcast episode I share more personal people pleasing stories, what people actually is, the 10 signs to look out for, where the behavior comes from and how it can affect your life.
I also share helpful tips to stop the pattern of pleasing people.
Being a people pleaser isn’t always a bad thing. But if this behavior is getting in the way of your well being and joy, it’s important to figure out ways to practice self care, set boundaries and protect your peace.
Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. So make sure you’ve got a little something in there before you think about helping other people.
If this is a pattern that runs deep and it’s affecting your mental health or other areas of your life, I suggest you speak with a mental health professional or coach who specializes in this area so you can learn how to break this pattern and stop draining your energy on other people and live for yourself.